The book is too long to read.
Wednesday 21 July 2010
Saturday 3 October 2009
The Terminator
Arnie stars in this amazingly timeless movie where there are no eighties influences whatsoever. 
Two naked blokes arrive in L.A. to kill all Sarah Connors that they can find. Arnie is winning 3-0 when the other naked bloke gives up and then starts a new game "how many Sarah Connors can I shag". He wins this game 1-0 as Arnie is actually a robot and has no willy. It all ends happily with one of the sarah connors surviving and the two naked blokes being brutally murdered.
LETHAL WEAPON
Two mad LA Cops go around killing people. One is mad, the other is black.
Lethal Weapon 2
Two mad LA Cops go around killing people. One is white, the other isn't.
Weasel Leopard 3
Two mad LA Cops go around killing people. One is ethnic, the other is caucasian.
Aretha Franklin 4
Two mad LA Cops go around killing people. One is an African American gentleman, the other is mentally challenged.
Lethal Weapon 2
Two mad LA Cops go around killing people. One is white, the other isn't.
Weasel Leopard 3
Two mad LA Cops go around killing people. One is ethnic, the other is caucasian.
Aretha Franklin 4
Two mad LA Cops go around killing people. One is an African American gentleman, the other is mentally challenged.
JAWS
A big fish goes around killing people.The end.
Jaws 2
Two big fish go around killing people.
The end.
Jaws 3D
Three fish go around killing people. In 3-D.
The end.
Jaws 4 The Revenge
Four fish... oh God this is tedious, OK, you get the point. Actually, this has got to be the worst Jaws of them all, where the shark finally gets the hump with all his predecessors getting killed off by members of the same family, and goes around killing people.
The end.
Three fish go around killing people. In 3-D.
The end.
Jaws 4 The Revenge
Four fish... oh God this is tedious, OK, you get the point. Actually, this has got to be the worst Jaws of them all, where the shark finally gets the hump with all his predecessors getting killed off by members of the same family, and goes around killing people.
The end.
POINT BREAK
Hollywood heart throb Keanu Reeves stars as Johnny U-bend, in this high octane adventure yarn following the exploits of a bank-robbing surfing dude and his all-american high on drugs buddies.
Johnny Nevada is assigned to tracking down a bunch of thrill seeking criminals, who steal money from banks dressed as perverts and occasionally go snorkelling. Several people are killed before Johnny Morris finds his man and pretends he can surf.
Having befriended the gang, Johnny shags the gang leaders wife behind his back in a bid to gain his trust and then lies to her about his background to get into her knickers. The poor girl is then kidnapped and then held then for ransom at knifepoint to lure Johnny Cash to the crime scene.
The gang leader, played by the late great Patrick Swayze, then pulls on the rubber mask of a well known USA President, and jumps out of a plane without a parachute, before blowing someone's head off with a shotgun, and it's up to Johnny Vegas to stop him!
Johnny ends up having a fist fight with Patrick Swayze on a beach in Australia and letting him go so that he can break his neck in a great big tsunami wave heading towards the shore at 500 mph.
A real happy feel good buddy movie.
Johnny Nevada is assigned to tracking down a bunch of thrill seeking criminals, who steal money from banks dressed as perverts and occasionally go snorkelling. Several people are killed before Johnny Morris finds his man and pretends he can surf.
Having befriended the gang, Johnny shags the gang leaders wife behind his back in a bid to gain his trust and then lies to her about his background to get into her knickers. The poor girl is then kidnapped and then held then for ransom at knifepoint to lure Johnny Cash to the crime scene.
The gang leader, played by the late great Patrick Swayze, then pulls on the rubber mask of a well known USA President, and jumps out of a plane without a parachute, before blowing someone's head off with a shotgun, and it's up to Johnny Vegas to stop him!
Johnny ends up having a fist fight with Patrick Swayze on a beach in Australia and letting him go so that he can break his neck in a great big tsunami wave heading towards the shore at 500 mph.
A real happy feel good buddy movie.
Friday 11 September 2009
Finding Nemo
Wizard of Oz meets Jaws. This film is about Nemo getting lost and his Dad, Marlin trying to find him. Whilst Nemo is caught and sold to a dentist with a fish tank, Marlin has an adventure of a lifetime, riding with turtles, joining the local Shark club and nobbing Dory, a blue fish who suffers from short term memory loss.
A Disney classic with a twist at the end where Nemo ends up an exotic starter in an upper class Sydney restaurant, Marlin lives his life long dream of being able to skydive and Dory gets a job as a librarian.
A Disney classic with a twist at the end where Nemo ends up an exotic starter in an upper class Sydney restaurant, Marlin lives his life long dream of being able to skydive and Dory gets a job as a librarian.
Sunday 16 August 2009
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
An absolute Speilberg classic where man meets mashed potato. Starring that bloke who nearly gets eaten in Jaws, this film is pretty weird. Jaws's dinner works for the power company and has to go out to fix power one night. He returns home with sunburn and a mash mountain fetish. Meanwhile, a single mum has a wild party and loses her little kid. Little do these nutters realise but they are being watched by little green men in flying saucers. The flying saucers were actually the 80's memory game "Simon".
Meanwhile a French git is learning sign hand signals for the british gas advert tune as are an African tribe in Addis Abbaba.
A load of ships and planes turn up in the desert.
The bloke who is Jaws's preferred dish has a family breakdown. While he is busy building mountains of mash, his wife gets stressed 
by the kids watching too many cartoons.
by the kids watching too many cartoons.It's not long before Jaws's dinner manages to shag the single mother and they break into a secret UFO landing site where the French git learns how to play the british gas advert tune on the piano.
Then some UFOs fly over and stuff and the film ends.
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